Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
