my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
