she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
