i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
