Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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