its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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