The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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