who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
