We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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