I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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