He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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