What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
