yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I cut my penus on the lid.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
