i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
