So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
