you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
As shirtless as possible
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
