i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
