Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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