How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
