I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
