At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
