he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
