Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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