i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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