I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
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Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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