The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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