No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
