I just saw a hot homeless man
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize