guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
