I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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