ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
