At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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