He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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