I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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