1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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