remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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