4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
