I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
