Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
