I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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