That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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