..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
