I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
