never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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