yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
