I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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