it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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