I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
