Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
