And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
