it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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