Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
