He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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