i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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