three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
