Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
