She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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