nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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