Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
