she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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