saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
