Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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