wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
