He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
